"Your goals are boring..." - what came next might surprise you
As a financial planner, I push people to dream bigger. This is when real breakthroughs happen.
Read time: 5 mins
Nobody expects this from a financial planner, but, to me, it’s simply what financial planning should be…
A quick story
I was meeting with a good friend of mine from high school. We played baseball on rival high school teams but ended up playing on the same summer league teams. We became pretty good friends over time but eventually parted ways when we went off to college.
Fast forward 20 years, he reached out to me looking for a financial advisor. Of course, I said I’d be happy to talk and to see if I’d be the right advisor for him. It might seem odd that I didn’t say “I’d be a great fit for you!”. I honestly don’t approach my relationships this way.
My take is that good financial advice needs to come from the right person.
Anyways, we finally met to talk about what led him to this point and why he’s looking for a financial advisor now.
Like most people, he was reaching an inflection point. That’s usually when most people really start to think about talking to an expert. He was about to raise some money for a business he started 15 years ago, and, after many twists and turns and pivots, his hard work and dedication were starting to pay off.
Later in that initial meeting, I asked him a question that is typically part of my first conversations, “tell me about your goals.” Now, if you know me, this is also kind of a “gotcha” question because I know that most of the time we only get surface level goals when we ask the question in this way.
His response? “I’m thinking about retirement and saving for college for my two kids.”
So then I asked, “Is that it?”
He replied, “Yeah. I think that’s it.”
What did I say next?
“Baloney! That’s a pretty (freaking) boring list of goals!” (that’s the PG13 version by the way).
Now, time out. First of all, those goals are just fine. Most people have them, but I know there’s so much more that people really want (if we have the courage to ask them). Second, this is a dear friend of mine that I’ve known for 20+ years. I don’t say this to every new relationship as a financial advisor. But, in this case, it felt necessary.
I looked at him and said, “You’re about to sign a $50 million contract for your business, you’re finally making a couple hundred thousand dollars per year, you’re 40 years old with a young family…this is your inflection point in life! And that’s all you’re thinking about?! Tell me what you really want! What gets you excited every day?”
He looked at me in a slight state of shock. I’m pretty sure no one expects a financial advisor to say something like this to them.
What happened?
He rattled off a dozen or more other things in life that matter to him – traveling and seeing the world, making sure their parents are OK financially, buying a vacation home for the family, joining his local country club (which can cost $30k just to get in), and on and on.
Wow! What a breakthrough!
I looked at him and said, “Now we’re talking! This I can work with. Let’s get started making all of this possible.”
The problem with financial advice (at least historically)
We aren’t great at setting goals especially in a situation where money is involved.
Why? Because we only focus on money so we aren’t thinking about the rest of our lives.
Financial planning, done right, isn’t just about money. It’s about defining and creating the life you want to live (not just in retirement but today as well), defining the role you want money to play in it, and developing simple, actionable strategies that help you get there.
Money touches pretty much everything in our lives. Don’t believe me? Try this exercise:
Make a list of all of the things you did in the last week or month. Now, make note of how many of them touched money in some way.
The home you live in.
The car(s) you drive. Plus the gas and insurance and maintenance.
Or maybe the Ubers or public transportation you take.
The food you eat.
The computer/laptop you use for work.
The time you spend with friends.
That great vacation you just took (or want to take).
It all touches money.
The point is that financial planning (again, done right) should look at all aspects of your life and help you make smarter, more informed decisions that align with your values and the life you want to live. It isn’t just about investing and retirement that can be decades off.
What comes after breakthroughs
Breakthroughs are magical. They change the complete dynamic of a relationship and how many people think about money.
Don’t get me wrong. Money matters. And, also, I’ve learned that it’s not just how much you have, it’s what you do with it that matters.
And, also, breakthroughs can also lead to “How the heck am I going to do all of this???” types of moments as well.
That’s OK and very, very normal. The truth is that the majority of people will always need to prioritize their goals and make trade-offs.
And, remember, you can do anything in time but not everything at the same time.
The reality is that even after breakthroughs we still have to do the work. We still have to look at your entire financial picture, review your cash flow, make sure you have an emergency fund and a plan for debt, create the right savings and investment strategies, understand and manage taxes, make sure it’s all protected with proper insurance and estate planning documents, etc.
There’s still a process we have to follow. We still need to put in the time to get the plan up and running, to create definable goals and mileposts so we can measure and manage progress, to evolve the strategies over time as life and the world around us change.
But breakthroughs make sure we are on the right path from day one.
How to create your own breakthroughs
For those that know me, you probably know what I am going to say 🙂
I am a firm believer that having a coach on your team is an essential element of success – personally, professionally, financially. The right financial advisor can be the best investment you can ever make, but the “right” one can be hard to find (I’ll address this in another post). But having someone with a different perspective, a different point of view, and the courage to call you on your “BS” can be life changing.
And, also, I’m not here to force this on anyone so if you want to do this on your own, that is of course 100% OK. But my personal experience tells me that coaches and mentors are essential and they can help you accelerate your path to success.
My advice for anyone that is thinking about what they should be doing with their money is to stop thinking about money … at least for a few minutes. Start thinking about the life you truly want. If you aren’t sure where to start, you’re like 99% of people when I first meet them (including myself).
Here’s what I use to get clarity around my life and what I want to achieve:
It doesn’t have to be this exactly, but the point is to think about all aspects of your life. It helps us get out of our heads and focus on what really matters.
So take a minute and put a number to each aspect of your life. I know it helped me get clarity around where I needed to spend my time, energy, and money.
Instead of asking “where should I invest my money”, maybe we should be asking, “what part of my life needs an investment?”
When you figure out what “a life well lived” means to you, that’s when you’ll start to see that financial planning is about so much more than just money.
And when your financial decisions are aligned with your values and the life you want, that’s when the real magic happens.
Cheers to health, wealth, and the good (financial) life,
Brent